Priesthood Blessings

When all this "drama" started unfolding, I let my family know what was going on. My oldest brother asked me if I needed a priesthood blessing. I told him I'd LOVE to have a blessing, and we started working on a plan. I showed up at my parents' place Sunday after church, and my brother showed up just a few seconds after me. I love and admire my brothers, and my dad has always given me the most amazing priesthood blessings. I was excited to receive some guidance and comfort.

I had no idea that my other brother, my sister, and my brother-in-law would show up too. I was overwhelmed with peace when I realized that four of the men I admire most were going to give me a priesthood blessing. Before we got started, my dad said "I want you all to know that even though we are here to support Amberleah, Aaron needs our love and support, too." Who does that? How many parents can pray for the person that is hurting their child, let alone ask others to pray for him? Yet another thing that I admire about my dad. He is so understanding and loving, always without judgement. My brother offered a family prayer and asked for the spirit to be with us, and offered a prayer for Aaron.

When my dad and brothers put their hands on my head, my mom said "wait! who's missing?" I heard my sister from the other side of me "um, Mom, Aaron is missing!" we all started laughing hysterically, my mom felt ridiculous but my dad pointed out that it was good his presence was missed.

The blessing was incredible. I was told that Heavenly Father knows of what we've suffered as a family, that He loves me and my children, and that He has suffered with us and wept for our pains. I was advised that all the choices that lie ahead are mine to make, and nobody else. He blessed me with the ability to discern when Aaron is trying to deceive and when he is being sincere. A huge part of me doesn't want to work things out, is tired of giving him chances and being hurt. But another part of me is really missing him. Right now, I feel that the best thing for me and my kids is divorce. I feel at peace with the choice to end my marriage. It's not been a healthy relationship for quite some time. We've had a lot of ups, and there have definitely been happy times, but it takes more than that.

I have learned things that nothing could have prepared me to hear. I have been hurt beyond words by him and his lies. His mother tells me that if I would grow up and care more about my kids and family that things would be better. She advised me that her marriage was not any easier than mine, but she toughed it out. Well, good for her. She's a saint. I am not. My kids should not have to suffer as I have. I am unhappy. I want to enjoy life. I want to have an eternal family, and right now we're not headed in the right direction for that. I told my mother-in-law that my kids are my life and that they keep me going. They are my reason for trying to overcome my ED. She told me that my actions show otherwise. Well, from this day forward, I'll make sure that anybody I come in contact with knows how much my kids mean to me. They are my world, I worked hard to conceive them and then bring them in to this world. They bring me joy beyond words and I don't want them to think it's OK to live with somebody that doesn't treat them with love and respect. I will set a better example.

Karleah, my beautiful, kindhearted daughter. I want her to know that she deserves the best in life. She is talented and loving, a great example for the younger kids, and a good friend to everyone she meets. Karleah will do anything for her family. From the day she became a big sister, she watched out for the other kids in every possible way. She has probably suffered the most through all of this, because she is old enough to understand more of what's happening. She needs to know that it's not OK to be treated this way, and she deserves the best.

Nathanael is so tender. He has the softest heart, and a sweet spirit. If I'm sad, he is the first one to give me a hug, and when he has a hard day he's not afraid to cry. He needs to know that when he finds a wife, she will deserve love, respect, and honesty.

Carson.....trouble. Hahaha. He has the most beautiful, piercing brown eyes and the sweetest smile. He is so much work, but I hope that he is learning to explore and that one day he will put his trouble-making skills to work in a more constructive way. He has taught me patience in ways I didn't know I needed it! He, too, will learn to treat women with respect, and to always be honest.

Vanessa is so animated. I admire the way she can just "be herself" and say it like it is. I never want her to lose the fire she has inside. Her daddy has taken his anger out on her more than the others lately, and she deserves to be treated with love and respect. She is beautiful and thoughtful, outgoing and gentle.

Faith, my little miracle. She was sent to me at a very difficult time in my life. I needed her more than I could have known. She is the most gentle, easy-going, sweet baby. I could not have asked for a better baby. She is the perfect fit to our family! Her name fits perfectly because she has strengthened my faith in the love my Heavenly Father has for all of us.

Where would I be without these miracles? Thank you, Aaron for helping me bring them in to this world. Now let's work on the way you treat them, and me! I wouldn't change things, how could I regret the 13 years with him, especially the 5 amazing kids we've been blessed with? That doesn't mean that I have to keep putting up with lies, abuse, and dishonesty.

I am so thankful for the comfort of the priesthood blessing I was given. For the amazing men in my life that hold and honor the priesthood. Thank you Daddy, Brandon, Jaron & Chris. You all touch my life in so many ways and I hope my boys can always see that great example!