My Anti-Depressant Soap Box

I'm going to get on my soapbox again.

Today at work, somebody asked how I was doing. I told him it's been a lot of "up and down" so he said "I heard something, I don't want to pry, but I wanted to know how it's going." Well, so much for keeping things quiet.....I told him a lot about what's been going on with Aaron. I'm pretty sure HE won't read this, even though I know other co-workers are following (HI!)

He decided to tell me about his wife and how she had been depressed for years, and took anti-depressants that made her a "different person" and "unable to feel emotion" and how she didn't care about her kids. He told me that the medication "came between" them and that is why the got divorced. When they re-married, he said he made it a condition that she stop taking the anti-depressants because he wanted her to "feel" things.

Now, I'm not judging the situation. Obviously I don't know all the details, but for heaven's sake!! That's not how anti-depressants work! I told him a lot about myself, which I never thought I would do with this particular co-worker. I told him I've been on them for 14 years and it doesn't make me that way, I still have a "full range of emotions" (sometimes TOO full a range!) and I care deeply about my kids and home. If I ever ended up divorced, it wouldn't be because of depression, or the medication!

He said that anti-depressant medication is dangerous and it ruins lives, it messes people up, he had some very strong opinions. His wife has been off them for over two years since they re-married. He said that some days are pure hell, but at least she can FEEL again. I suggested maybe she needed a different doctor, or different meds. Nobody with depression in any form should have to live like that.

If somebody has diabetes, we don't just say "well, stop being diabetic!" if somebody has cancer, does their spouse say "Oh, well, you don't need medication or treatment for that!" NO!! Depression is the same concept. The medication makes it so I can FUNCTION. I had some friends suggest that I should not take the medication while pregnant. (one friend even suggested that is why Faith is developmentally delayed) So, if I was diabetic, should I just turn off that problem while pregnant? All those extra hormones can make the depression worse, and if you ask anybody that has seen my "dark side" when I'm off the meds, or when they weren't working properly, they can probably all tell you that it's a VERY bad idea for me to go off for any reason.

I feel so blessed though. That my mom was willing to get the help she needed, when she started taking Prozac in the late 1980's, there was a lot of negativity towards it. She wasn't afraid. I saw my mom change, in the most positive way imaginable. My mother is an amazing person, she can get somebody to open up no matter how "closed-lip" they may be. Everybody is comfortable talking to my mom, about anything. If she hadn't learned to recognize depression, and hadn't been so brave about seeking help, where would I be? Dead? Possibly. Depressed, hopeless? Definitely.

Aaron was raised differently. His parents don't "believe" in anti-depressant medication or "happy pills". His mom even mentioned that he NEVER had problems or needed 'those pills' before I came into the picture. As if depression is contagious! As if it's my fault that he struggles? EVERYBODY has a bout with depression at one point or another. I think if I had been raised that way, I would have had to spend 6 days in the psych ward of a hospital too! Now, I'm not blaming it all on his upbringing. I love his mom, and admire her greatly, I even wrote her a poem (I haven't done that for years!). I'm just trying to prove a point.

I've even had doctors tell me it's ridiculous to be on medication for so long. Luckily, that perspective is changing. I hope to teach my kids to listen to their emotions. To not fear negative feelings. I want them to know that it's OK to be depressed, and if the depression seems to last too long, that it's also OK to talk to a doctor.