ED

I have said before on my blog that I believe we all go through trials for a reason, and I believe one of those reasons it to help others that face the same struggles. I am touched by the people that have opened up to me and shared personal stories about depression, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, and now eating disorders. I never thought I'd share these things with so many people. But it has helped me, and I hope helped others.

One message I received, I thought worth sharing:

"I would say that I too have an eating disorder. When I was about 15 I started purging. I did it pretty regularly and was "good" at it for years. I did tell my husband and he really wanted me to seek help, but I was uncomfortable with that idea. I just dealt with the problem on my own.

"At one point I did try to get in with a research group, but was told that I didn't qualify because my disorder wasn't bad enough. That didn't help, how can I have a problem if even the U doesn't think I am bad enough???" (I have had similar situations, thinking people won't believe I'm 'that bad', at the same time as saying "I'm not so bad off, I'm being 'careful'. I'm sure this would have been very hard to take!) her story continued:

"that was 10 years ago. And I want to tell you that everyday I think about it, and everyday I have to make a choice not to purge. I am pretty good, but not perfect. I have replaced purging with exercise. I am pretty obsessed with working out 6 days a week. Is this better??? I don't know. But, it is the trade off I can do right now. I am not perfect and I wish my body looked different, but this is the body God gave me and I am trying to love it. The point I am trying to make is that it is ok to struggle and miss it, it is ok that it is hard. But, you can change this and move forward. You have a lot on your plate now and I am sure it is hard to give this up. It is the one thing you have control over in a situation you have so little control over. But you can tackle this."

I can't express how touched I was by this information. I keep wondering what's wrong with me, why I still have to fight the "voice" of ED every day. It's been two weeks since I made the "deal" with my friend, and EVERY day I think about it. I MISS purging. Especially after a decent meal, or if I've had a particularly stressful day. It's SO frustrating that I can't stop thinking about it. It was such a comfort to know that somebody else understands these feelings. To hear her faith in me, gave me faith that I can get through this.

I asked her permission to share some of her story, and she said:


"I know that you have a strong testimony of inspiration (as do I) and I want you to know that I felt inspired to keep digging for info on you and to share my experience with you. I think the Lord needed me to offer you some strength. We all have struggles and trials and I think it is easy to judge our weaknesses against someone else's strengths and especially with ED that leads to NOTHING good"

I couldn't have said that better! We are God's children. He wants us to be happy, and I have always known that. Doesn't always make it easy to be happy. I will very likely struggle with the "voice of ED" every day of my life, and with the depression. Medication and therapy help, but it's going to be a daily battle, and I am determined to win it!!

I read a quote somewhere (probably somebody shared in on FB) that basically said we struggle with our self worth because we're comparing our worst to everybody else's best. One of the ways this was proven to me was in young women. The leader called several of the girls in my ward, and asked them to describe themselves. She typed these things up, and brought them to church that Sunday. She then asked those girls to stand in the front of the class, and asked another girl to put the papers with the girls they described. NONE of them matched. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could see ourselves the way others do? Especially if we could see ourselves the way the SAVIOR, and HEAVENLY FATHER do.

I want to challenge all my friends to STOP throwing out the compliments we hear. People mean it when they say kind things, and don't always mean the negative or hurtful comments. If somebody sees something great in you, then you need to look for it too! I love my friends, and have been blessed with some really amazing people. I hope they ALL know their worth. I thank my Heavenly Father daily for those blessings.