Gift #2

Just before Karleah's first birthday, I felt it was time for us to start trying for another baby. It seemed so strange that I was ready, because when my brother and sister had kids close together, I thought they were nuts. I was never going to do that. But, I didn't think I could argue with Heavenly Father, and He was telling me it was time.

A few months later, I found out some things that almost ended my marriage. He had made up some stories about my old boyfriend in order to gain my sympathy. I was devastated, and I wanted OUT. We started fighting more. He was defensive and angry. If I hinted at divorce, he would threaten suicide. He held a knife to his throat, and screamed at me. I was terrified.

One night, he actually cut his arm. Only about 2 inches long, and not deep at all, but it scared me. He started screaming and throwing things. He was shaking his hands in my face, and I told him to back off. I'm pretty sure I was screaming too. He dared me to call the cops. I did. They showed up, and told him to take a walk. They didn't file any charges, they just told him to leave and then they left me alone. A case worker called me, and offered help. Aaron was home the next day. The police never filed a report, and the case worker never called again. Everything "went away".

I didn't want to just stop worrying. I talked to my sister, and she told me to get out. I told Aaron I'd be leaving, packed some bags, grabbed our baby girl, and walked out the door. He followed me, screaming at me, and holding a knife to his throat. When he saw that my sister was there, he dropped the knife and stopped screaming. I knew it was all for show. I left.

We had been fighting for months, I had been out of the house for about one month. Just before our third anniversary, Aaron started attending anger management classes. Aaron was the only person in the anger management group that was not court ordered to be there (thanks to the Tooele PD and a case worker forgetting about us). He completed anger management classes, and we moved back in.

I was frustrated that we had not been able to have the baby I had felt we needed to try for. After I'd been home several months, and things had settled down, we were trying again. About 18 months later, I said I was tired of trying. I wanted to see a doctor. I asked a friend that was going through infertility testing, and started seeing her doctor. We talked to countless doctors, had endless tests run, and spent a LOT of money trying to find the cause of our infertility.

After 2 years, we were referred to a fertility clinic. The Reproductive Care Center. We were informed that we only had about a 3% chance of conceiving after 2 years of active trying. They didn't know how we had been blessed with Karleah. Dr. Heiner told us the best option for us would be in-vitro fertilization. We tried a couple other things first, just to make sure, but when our insurance open enrollment came up, we signed up for the maximum amount on our flexible spending plans so we could afford the IVF cycle.

It was not an easy process. I had to give myself shots for 3 months. I hate needles. We had to go to the fertility clinic every day to check my levels. Blood draws and ultra sounds every day. The egg retrieval was a nightmare. I was sick for days after. Once they embryos were ready, the transfer was a piece of cake. The two-week wait after the transfer, was NOT. But, on our 6th anniversary, the fertility clinic called to inform us that we were pregnant again.

Aaron wanted a boy, and from the day we got the results, he had a name picked out. Nathaniel. I wasn't so sure of the name, we bought a baby names book and I read that the name Nathaniel meant "Gift from God". I decided I liked the name. We had been through so much, and had come out strong. Aaron was controling his anger, my depression was managed, and we were still in love. I decided on the biblical spelling of the name.

Nathanael Aaron joined our family on December 3, 2005. I opted for natural childbirth, and it was an amazing experience. He was healthy, handsome, and he still is our "gift from God."