New Theme

I'm trying to have a new "theme" here on my blog. My life is beautiful, my kids amaze me every day, and I'm working things out with my husband. Sure, we have lots of valleys and hills, many bumps, but that's what relationships are. Most importanly, I have the truth of the gospel, a knowledge of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Without that, I would truly be lost..... in more ways than I could explain here.

I was tempted to remove several of my "personal" entries, maybe move them to a different blog, but I decided that was pointless since most anybody who cares has already read it, and it's part of who I am anyway. I could never handle all of it alone, but as my SIL used to say, we were never meant to do it alone. That is why I have been sent some amazing people to help me through. Some of those people have been treated poorly when I was at my lowest, and yet patiently stood back and waited for the darkness to clear from my mind.

I decided to spend more time on spiritual things. It has made a difference, slowly but surely. I have been reading the conference talks on my phone while I wait in the school parking lots, or if I get to work early enough. It's been so good for me to have that small spiritual uplift. I am surprised how much I needed it, and didn't even know.

I'm trying to stay focused on the best things in my life. 1) faith (not my daughter LOL my religion) 2) family 3) fun.

1) I try very hard to live my religion, and although I've never "strayed", I have struggled to find my path in life, and had some incredible experiences that I've never shared with anybody. I don't want to preach, and try to convert my "inactive" or "non-member" friends and family, but it is extremely important to me and I will not hide that, or try to avoid offending somebody. I'm rarely a good example, but I am trying. Thanks to examples of others, the conference talks, the scriptures, and my calling as a teacher to the 8-9 year olds, I am slowly getting some good through my thick skull :) I've been in primary for a LONG LONG time and sometimes I feel so burned out. But I decided that I must still be there because I'm not learning whatever I'm supposed to. My team teacher is helping me out there......

2) My kids mean SO much to me. There are days when I get SO discouraged trying to keep up with all the messes they make, and all the things they get into, and the questions they ask, and ask, and ask, and ask, (I'm hoping you get the point, because they never seem to). Sometimes, I sit back and watch them and I think "I brought that child into this world. Heavenly Father thought I was worthy to raise them on this earth. They are miracles." How can anybody see a child, and doubt that there is a God? I remember how much work we put in to just getting them, and try to see them as Heavenly Father does. They are beautiful, and I'm sure I don't always live up to the expectations. They teach me more than I teach them.

3) I find myself frequently praying for strength to be "myself" or at least more outgoing because it is hard for me to have "fun" and I often leave parties or even just work, feeling disappointed that I didn't do or say something I thought of. I am trying to be more "fun" and laid back. It's hard for me, and I'm not sure why.

It's taking me a long time to get to the point..... I tend to go off on tangents (SHOCKING! LOL) But, I plan to post more about the cute things my kids say, the little things that touch my heart, and to be FUN!

I am so blessed to have friends, after all I've done to them and all I've put them through. I'm lucky to have the five amazing, healthy, beautiful kids I have. I'm happy with my life, in all it's craziness.