Bishop

We met with our Bishop. It was really good. I will not go into specifics, but it was nice to talk about our marriage struggles, and come up with some solutions, with our spiritual leader.

Our bishop is a good man. I appreciate the advice he gave, and I loved the time with Aaron.

After we got home, and we finally got the kids to bed, we started talking. I love when we just have a random, unexpected, and very deep conversation. I started by telling Aaron that I wasn't sure why I had married him. I was 18, had just barely broken up with my high school "sweetheart", wanted to go to college, serve a mission, and THEN get married. But I jumped on the first opportunity that came along. Brian had told me I'd never be loved again after what I had done with him [more like what he had done TO me] that nobody wants "used goods". I told Aaron maybe I had jumped in too fast. I also said I KNOW we are great together, and I feel we would have ended up together anyway, I just wasn't sure I had really thought it all through before. I knew I wanted to get married, and have kids, but never thought much beyond that. I didn't consider that I'd have to work at the marriage, and learn about being a mom. I was afraid Aaron would be hurt by this, but we were trying to be 100% open and honest with each other.

Aaron's response was NOT what I expected to hear. He said "I understand completely." I'm sure I got the "deer in the headlights look" at that point. He then told me that when his girlfriend (she "waited" for him on his mission) broke up with him right after he got home from Germany, he was devastated. She never gave a clear answer why she was ending the relationship. She went on a mission, and started writing him, only to later tell him never to call/write again. He was pretty hurt, and didn't date again until the night my BIL called him up.

We were certainly in love, wanted to be together, but I think that FINALLY, after 13 years, we are seeing the "big picture". We were both very immature, and we jumped into the relationship SO fast (we only dated 6 weeks, then were engaged for 4 months). We barely knew each other, and didn't really have any dreams or goals to work towards.

Even though we took the long way I think we are on finally the right path. I am deeply in love with my husband, and I hope that we continue to work through our problems. I CAN live without him, and have had to on three separate occasions, but I don't WANT to be without him. He means so much to me, and he has done so much to prove his love for me and our beautiful children.