Today, Vanessa started calling Faith "Rebecca" so I corrected her. I should say "tried" to correct her because she said "Her first name is Faith, but her middle name is Rebecca."
I again tried to correct her "no, her middle name is Elizabeth" and was told "but Rebecca is prettier you should have named her Rebecca."
I told Vanessa that we needed to call her by the name she was given, or she would get really confused. Vanessa said "Fine, you can call her Faithy, I will call her Rebecca."
Faith has been called Rebecca since that conversation. Poor Faith!!
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Faith. Show all posts
Monday, October 8, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Faithy!
Like you didn't know this was coming..... lol. I already blogged about the way my little angel came into our lives. I doubted that I was deserving of my first four, and felt that they would be better off without me. I was in deep depression and darkness, and Heavenly Father knew that the only way to pull me out of that was to send me another angel.
She is definitely hitting that "terrible two" stage. She loves to throw things, especially things that make a mess. Today, she spread blueberry yogurt all over the couch and carpet. Of course she knew I was answering the door so I couldn't stop her. She loves to pout when I tell her "no" and it's so adorable :) she puts her head on her folded arms and will not look up until she is "over it".
Sweet little baby of mine, she is a daily reminder that Heavenly Father knows us all individually and knows how best to help us in times of trial.
She is so delayed at learning things, and I am always afraid people will judge my parenting because she is so "slow". I also fear people will say she's not "normal" and I want everybody to see the beauty that is in her. She is so sweet. Aaron will squat down, stretch out his arms and say "hug? Hug?" and she will come running to him, even if she is trying to run away because she is in trouble.
Her laugh can entertain the entire family. Carson & Vanessa are always so proud when they can make her smile or laugh. I don't know how I ever thought my life was complete until this little bundle of joy joined our family. I love when the other kids introduce her, and nobody understands her name because they say "fay-fee"... they haven't mastered the "th" sound and we all say "Faithy". I guess it's hard to have a one-syllable name in the family lol. Faith IS faith. She reminds me that with faith, anything is possible.
She is definitely hitting that "terrible two" stage. She loves to throw things, especially things that make a mess. Today, she spread blueberry yogurt all over the couch and carpet. Of course she knew I was answering the door so I couldn't stop her. She loves to pout when I tell her "no" and it's so adorable :) she puts her head on her folded arms and will not look up until she is "over it".
Sweet little baby of mine, she is a daily reminder that Heavenly Father knows us all individually and knows how best to help us in times of trial.
She is so delayed at learning things, and I am always afraid people will judge my parenting because she is so "slow". I also fear people will say she's not "normal" and I want everybody to see the beauty that is in her. She is so sweet. Aaron will squat down, stretch out his arms and say "hug? Hug?" and she will come running to him, even if she is trying to run away because she is in trouble.
Her laugh can entertain the entire family. Carson & Vanessa are always so proud when they can make her smile or laugh. I don't know how I ever thought my life was complete until this little bundle of joy joined our family. I love when the other kids introduce her, and nobody understands her name because they say "fay-fee"... they haven't mastered the "th" sound and we all say "Faithy". I guess it's hard to have a one-syllable name in the family lol. Faith IS faith. She reminds me that with faith, anything is possible.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
My Kids, to the Rescue!!
OK, enough about all the CRAP. I need to stay positive, because today has not been very good. I don't know why, just one of those days when I'm really down and nothing seems to help. Even though I still feel the "blues" I am not going to blog that tonight.
The last couple of weeks, Aaron has been dropping me off at work and then picking me up. It's actually been kind of nice, chatting in the car......alone..... I've been reading my blog to him, and I didn't realize how negative I can be. So, my kids are my focus tonight. I am going to wrack my brain and try to remember some of the great things they've done, that I have failed to mention.
Nathanael, Carson & Vanessa L-O-V-E Super Why and they are always pretending to be one of the characters on there. Yesterday, Vanessa would put a basket on her head (it's actually one we use for shoes....gross) and yell "boo" so I would make my "damsel in distress" cry and Carson or Nathanael would come running, shouting "Super Carson/Nathanael to the rescue!" and then they would tell me all about their super powers. It's the cutest thing.
Faith is really in to mimicking. It's adorable how she tries to copy my facial expressions. I tried to get a picture, but she won't hold still, so maybe I'll get one in a few days. She will come up to me, make a face, and walk off again because she knows she got me to laugh. She tries SO hard to copy words we say, and she will scrunch up her whole face, then spit as she tries to say the word. Her favorites are "pup" (puppy) "mow" (more) and, one our neighbor taught her, "ding-dong" while she pushes on her belly button. She also puts her hands on her cheeks and says "oh no!" or smacks her forehead. Cutest baby.
Karleah had a great idea to teach all the younger kids the Articles of Faith. It's adorable to hear Vanessa and Nathanael say them. I'm so proud of Karleah for wanting to help them all learn these. She is a great example to the other four. When I was pregnant with the twins, she was worried that we wouldn't have time for her anymore. I sat with her one afternoon, and told her that it would be a lot of work, but we were going to make the most of it. I said: "these babies are going to be SO lucky to have a big sister like you." She replied "I'm the lucky one, mommy. I get to have them as siblings." I try to remember this every time she asks me why I ever gave her siblings. Or when she says she hates them all. In fact, I'm pretty sure she denies that this has ever been said.
Nathanael loves to tell me about his day in school. He tells me about all his friends, and what they play, and what they learned. Karleah was never like this, so it's really fun for me. Plus, he tells really great stories, and is SO animated. I'm sure he'll be a writer or actor. He's so cute.
Vanessa is still sucking her thumb. She got a paper cut on it the other day, and had a band-aid on it for several days, I hoped that would break her habit....no such luck! She always sucks her left thumb and plays with her hair in the right hand. She twirls it so tight it looks like ringlets in the back, and her hair is NEVER going to grow long. She is a girly-girl, through and through. I am in awe at her personality. She will go far if she never loses her 'zest' (now I have a jingle stuck in my head....)
Carson is still not potty-trained. I'm thinking maybe by the time he is ready for college we'll try again. He is so sweet and cuddly (when he's not smearing toothpaste all over the bathroom, or coloring on walls/monitors/desks/floors/bedspreads/snake cages [this is a never-ending list] or wiping soap all over the hallway, or pushing the baby over, or throwing a tantrum because I want him to use a word instead of grunt & point).
I love the way Vanessa will tell me I'm the "best mommy in the whole wide world" when I wash her favorite pajamas so she can wear them again. Or when Carson finally decides to open up and talk to me, he has the sweetest voice. Karleah can sing like an angel. Nathanael, seriously the most loving, sensitive kid I've ever known. Faith is a great cuddler.
Mostly, I love the way they all play together. I say mostly, because they do have those typical sibling rivalries, and I hear a lot of "MOM! so-and-so did such-and-such" but sometimes, I just sit back and watch them play. They are so imaginative. Karleah comes up with the silliest games, and she can motivate the little ones to do just about anything. When I can't convince them to pick up toys, she makes a game of it. I wish I had that kind of creativity. When they're all getting along, it's the most peaceful thing to sit back and watch them all. Crazy as it seems, I also love to watch them eat. When they are enjoying something Aaron & I worked to buy, and I worked to 'create' I feel fulfilled.
So, even when I'm depressed, or angry, my kids always come to the rescue and make my life worth living. They were worth the wait. The pain of giving myself shots for 3 months, the never-ending tests and doctor visits, the tears shed....none of that compares to the joy they bring to me.
Tonight, it was frozen pizza in front of the 1987 movie "Hansel and Gretel" (the kids were all very enthralled) and LOTS of cuddling. I'm pretty sure Nathanael, Carson, and Faith all sensed my need for love. They all wanted to be in my lap, and I didn't mind ONE BIT. Aaron was cuddling with me, too and it was sooo nice to feel needed.
I love my kids. I can't say it enough. They are my life. My joy. My comfort, peace, happiness, and chaos all at once. K,N,C,V,F thank you for "choosing" me as your mommy. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for lending me these amazing spirits. I hope I can teach them their potential.
The last couple of weeks, Aaron has been dropping me off at work and then picking me up. It's actually been kind of nice, chatting in the car......alone..... I've been reading my blog to him, and I didn't realize how negative I can be. So, my kids are my focus tonight. I am going to wrack my brain and try to remember some of the great things they've done, that I have failed to mention.
Nathanael, Carson & Vanessa L-O-V-E Super Why and they are always pretending to be one of the characters on there. Yesterday, Vanessa would put a basket on her head (it's actually one we use for shoes....gross) and yell "boo" so I would make my "damsel in distress" cry and Carson or Nathanael would come running, shouting "Super Carson/Nathanael to the rescue!" and then they would tell me all about their super powers. It's the cutest thing.
Faith is really in to mimicking. It's adorable how she tries to copy my facial expressions. I tried to get a picture, but she won't hold still, so maybe I'll get one in a few days. She will come up to me, make a face, and walk off again because she knows she got me to laugh. She tries SO hard to copy words we say, and she will scrunch up her whole face, then spit as she tries to say the word. Her favorites are "pup" (puppy) "mow" (more) and, one our neighbor taught her, "ding-dong" while she pushes on her belly button. She also puts her hands on her cheeks and says "oh no!" or smacks her forehead. Cutest baby.
Karleah had a great idea to teach all the younger kids the Articles of Faith. It's adorable to hear Vanessa and Nathanael say them. I'm so proud of Karleah for wanting to help them all learn these. She is a great example to the other four. When I was pregnant with the twins, she was worried that we wouldn't have time for her anymore. I sat with her one afternoon, and told her that it would be a lot of work, but we were going to make the most of it. I said: "these babies are going to be SO lucky to have a big sister like you." She replied "I'm the lucky one, mommy. I get to have them as siblings." I try to remember this every time she asks me why I ever gave her siblings. Or when she says she hates them all. In fact, I'm pretty sure she denies that this has ever been said.
Nathanael loves to tell me about his day in school. He tells me about all his friends, and what they play, and what they learned. Karleah was never like this, so it's really fun for me. Plus, he tells really great stories, and is SO animated. I'm sure he'll be a writer or actor. He's so cute.
Vanessa is still sucking her thumb. She got a paper cut on it the other day, and had a band-aid on it for several days, I hoped that would break her habit....no such luck! She always sucks her left thumb and plays with her hair in the right hand. She twirls it so tight it looks like ringlets in the back, and her hair is NEVER going to grow long. She is a girly-girl, through and through. I am in awe at her personality. She will go far if she never loses her 'zest' (now I have a jingle stuck in my head....)
Carson is still not potty-trained. I'm thinking maybe by the time he is ready for college we'll try again. He is so sweet and cuddly (when he's not smearing toothpaste all over the bathroom, or coloring on walls/monitors/desks/floors/bedspreads/snake cages [this is a never-ending list] or wiping soap all over the hallway, or pushing the baby over, or throwing a tantrum because I want him to use a word instead of grunt & point).
I love the way Vanessa will tell me I'm the "best mommy in the whole wide world" when I wash her favorite pajamas so she can wear them again. Or when Carson finally decides to open up and talk to me, he has the sweetest voice. Karleah can sing like an angel. Nathanael, seriously the most loving, sensitive kid I've ever known. Faith is a great cuddler.
Mostly, I love the way they all play together. I say mostly, because they do have those typical sibling rivalries, and I hear a lot of "MOM! so-and-so did such-and-such" but sometimes, I just sit back and watch them play. They are so imaginative. Karleah comes up with the silliest games, and she can motivate the little ones to do just about anything. When I can't convince them to pick up toys, she makes a game of it. I wish I had that kind of creativity. When they're all getting along, it's the most peaceful thing to sit back and watch them all. Crazy as it seems, I also love to watch them eat. When they are enjoying something Aaron & I worked to buy, and I worked to 'create' I feel fulfilled.
So, even when I'm depressed, or angry, my kids always come to the rescue and make my life worth living. They were worth the wait. The pain of giving myself shots for 3 months, the never-ending tests and doctor visits, the tears shed....none of that compares to the joy they bring to me.
Tonight, it was frozen pizza in front of the 1987 movie "Hansel and Gretel" (the kids were all very enthralled) and LOTS of cuddling. I'm pretty sure Nathanael, Carson, and Faith all sensed my need for love. They all wanted to be in my lap, and I didn't mind ONE BIT. Aaron was cuddling with me, too and it was sooo nice to feel needed.
I love my kids. I can't say it enough. They are my life. My joy. My comfort, peace, happiness, and chaos all at once. K,N,C,V,F thank you for "choosing" me as your mommy. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for lending me these amazing spirits. I hope I can teach them their potential.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Trials
In 2007, we found out that my brother's wife had a brain tumor. She was pregnant with her fourth child. It was devastating news, she was so brave. I don't think I could have handled it with so much dignity. I was there when they shaved her head, and my brother cried and held her hand. He told her how beautiful she was. At the time, I was irritated that she seemed to "give up" because from day one she said she would only live two years. But looking back, I see how brave she was. To say the things that nobody wanted to hear, and to talk about her death so openly. She wasn't being "dark", she had it witnessed to her that it was "her time".
We slowly watched her health deteriorate for two years. In the summer of 2009, Aaron's dad also started having heart problems. He had battled heart disease for over 20 years, so this was no big deal at first. But after several ER visits, a couple of surgeries, and some very close calls, we knew that his heart wouldn't hold out much longer. I wondered who would die first, Aaron's dad or my brother's wife.
At the same time, my own life was really challenging. My depression medication had stopped working (apparently very common when you're on it as long-term as I have been). I was treating everybody I cared about so horribly. I was mean, and I am so glad my friends didn't give up on me. I was in a very dark place. I wanted to die. I had more than given up. Somehow, my 4 beautiful children and my loving husband weren't enough to keep me going. I had been to several doctors trying to find the right medicine to help me get feeling better, and was starting to talk to a counselor too, but things just weren't looking up. The house was falling apart, I wasn't keeping up with anything. For the first time in our marriage, Aaron saw the "depressed Amberleah". He struggled with it. He had never seen me like that and didn't know how to help me.
One afternoon, I decided it wasn't worth all the effort. I laid on the couch, and told Aaron I wasn't going to get up again. I just wanted everything to end. The world would be a better place without me in it. He could re-marry after I died, and the kids wouldn't suffer because I felt I was a horrible person/mother/wife anyway. Aaron put one arm under my neck, and one arm under my knees. He picked me up (no small feat!) and carried me outside. He brought the lawn mower out of the garage and said "mow!" I was furious. How dare he tell me I had to try? How could he tell me what to do? He grabbed my hand, showed me how to start it (sadly, I had never mowed the lawn before this), then held my hands on the handle and stood behind me while I pushed the lawn mower. Eventually, he let go and I finished on my own. Aaron had saved my life. Without his support and love, I would have given up. He didn't have to do that, I was a horrible person when I was depressed. True, I had other friends that helped me in this dark time. Co-workers, ward members, and family helped too. But Aaron was my knight in shining armor. He helped me get through one of the darkest times of my life.
As I started getting things under control, Aaron's twin (Eric) and his family came to stay with us for a few days. We were so excited to meet Eric's new wife, and their son. They were also expecting another baby. We learned later that Aaron's dad's first reaction to the news of another grandchild was "I will never get to meet that one". He, too, was very brave. On Sunday, June 28 we had family dinner together (I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes) Glen said some things that hurt my feelings. I left the house with my SIL and all the kids that would fit in my van, and I was angry and hurt. (I couldn't even tell you what it was about). Just as I got home, my cell phone rang. Aaron's youngest brother. He NEVER calls me. I knew what the call was, and I answered in a shaky voice. He said "Dad collapsed. Aaron and Eric are giving CPR, but it doesn't look good. This isn't good."
We left the older girls in charge, and got back in my van. We drove back to my in-laws home, both of us terrified. When we got there, Aaron and Eric were in the front yard, crying. We all got in the car, and headed for the hospital. Still 5 minutes away, Aaron's brother called me again. "He's gone". This wasn't fair. My brother's wife had cancer, she was supposed to be the next funeral. I was still so depressed, and now Aaron had lost one of his best friends. Eric's vacation was spent planning his father's funeral. It was a beautiful service. The Freedom Riders were there, it still gives me chills to think of all the American flags flying in honor of Glen.
Three weeks later, July 19, I got the call that my brother's wife had died. Hard as it was for somebody so young to leave this life, it was a beautiful service. I don't know how people survive without the knowledge of the gospel, and eternal families. I could never have made it through two funerals without that hope.
In August, I found out a good friend at work also had cancer. It was devastating news, especially right after losing two loved ones. He only survived three months after the diagnosis. I still think of these three people all the time. I miss so many things. But I tried to take something from it, too. Life is short. Make the most of it. Very cliche, I know, but it hit me hard that summer.
Labor Day weekend of 2009, I called my sister with a question about "girl stuff". She said "are you sure you're not pregnant?" She was laughing, and I told her that it wasn't possible, "Right, Angie. Remember how hard we tried to have our kids? Remember all the money we spent? The doctor visits, the shots, blood draws, testing? We've never used birth control, and will never have to" But after a few days, I decided I would take a test. I was going to PROVE my sister was wrong. She wasn't wrong.
I walked in the bedroom where Aaron was sleeping.
I nudged him.
He rolled over.
Nudge.
Roll over.
Nudge.
Irritated grunt.
"Aaron!"
half-asleep "hmm??"
"we need to talk"
"I'm tired... what?"
"I think I'm pregnant"
"WHY would you think that?" (a little more awake now)
"because I just took a test"
Aaron sat up so fast, I nearly fell off the bed. He asked if I was sure the test was good. Was I certain it was positive? He bought another test. I took that one too. Positive again. We waited a few days, in shock (this wasn't supposed to be possible!) then bought another test. I text my sister "you were right". She knew what it meant. She let out a scream of joy.
If you've read my previous posts, you've learned that Aaron likes to pick baby names as soon as we find out we're pregnant. We already had two of each gender, and decided not to find out this baby's gender until birth. He wanted to name a boy Tanner Mark or, for a girl, Faith (we didn't decide on a middle name, Elizabeth, until months later). I knew it was going to be a girl, so even though I didn't like the name Tanner, I agreed. Aaron told me that Faith was the perfect name for the baby that wasn't supposed to be. The baby that was sent to us right after we had faced so many dark times. We knew we would need FAITH to help us get through the tough times.
Faith Elizabeth was born on May 1, 2010. It was my dad's 60th birthday. We had no idea how fitting her name was. We didn't know how much our faith would be tested in the weeks and months to come.
We slowly watched her health deteriorate for two years. In the summer of 2009, Aaron's dad also started having heart problems. He had battled heart disease for over 20 years, so this was no big deal at first. But after several ER visits, a couple of surgeries, and some very close calls, we knew that his heart wouldn't hold out much longer. I wondered who would die first, Aaron's dad or my brother's wife.
At the same time, my own life was really challenging. My depression medication had stopped working (apparently very common when you're on it as long-term as I have been). I was treating everybody I cared about so horribly. I was mean, and I am so glad my friends didn't give up on me. I was in a very dark place. I wanted to die. I had more than given up. Somehow, my 4 beautiful children and my loving husband weren't enough to keep me going. I had been to several doctors trying to find the right medicine to help me get feeling better, and was starting to talk to a counselor too, but things just weren't looking up. The house was falling apart, I wasn't keeping up with anything. For the first time in our marriage, Aaron saw the "depressed Amberleah". He struggled with it. He had never seen me like that and didn't know how to help me.
One afternoon, I decided it wasn't worth all the effort. I laid on the couch, and told Aaron I wasn't going to get up again. I just wanted everything to end. The world would be a better place without me in it. He could re-marry after I died, and the kids wouldn't suffer because I felt I was a horrible person/mother/wife anyway. Aaron put one arm under my neck, and one arm under my knees. He picked me up (no small feat!) and carried me outside. He brought the lawn mower out of the garage and said "mow!" I was furious. How dare he tell me I had to try? How could he tell me what to do? He grabbed my hand, showed me how to start it (sadly, I had never mowed the lawn before this), then held my hands on the handle and stood behind me while I pushed the lawn mower. Eventually, he let go and I finished on my own. Aaron had saved my life. Without his support and love, I would have given up. He didn't have to do that, I was a horrible person when I was depressed. True, I had other friends that helped me in this dark time. Co-workers, ward members, and family helped too. But Aaron was my knight in shining armor. He helped me get through one of the darkest times of my life.
As I started getting things under control, Aaron's twin (Eric) and his family came to stay with us for a few days. We were so excited to meet Eric's new wife, and their son. They were also expecting another baby. We learned later that Aaron's dad's first reaction to the news of another grandchild was "I will never get to meet that one". He, too, was very brave. On Sunday, June 28 we had family dinner together (I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes) Glen said some things that hurt my feelings. I left the house with my SIL and all the kids that would fit in my van, and I was angry and hurt. (I couldn't even tell you what it was about). Just as I got home, my cell phone rang. Aaron's youngest brother. He NEVER calls me. I knew what the call was, and I answered in a shaky voice. He said "Dad collapsed. Aaron and Eric are giving CPR, but it doesn't look good. This isn't good."
We left the older girls in charge, and got back in my van. We drove back to my in-laws home, both of us terrified. When we got there, Aaron and Eric were in the front yard, crying. We all got in the car, and headed for the hospital. Still 5 minutes away, Aaron's brother called me again. "He's gone". This wasn't fair. My brother's wife had cancer, she was supposed to be the next funeral. I was still so depressed, and now Aaron had lost one of his best friends. Eric's vacation was spent planning his father's funeral. It was a beautiful service. The Freedom Riders were there, it still gives me chills to think of all the American flags flying in honor of Glen.
Three weeks later, July 19, I got the call that my brother's wife had died. Hard as it was for somebody so young to leave this life, it was a beautiful service. I don't know how people survive without the knowledge of the gospel, and eternal families. I could never have made it through two funerals without that hope.
In August, I found out a good friend at work also had cancer. It was devastating news, especially right after losing two loved ones. He only survived three months after the diagnosis. I still think of these three people all the time. I miss so many things. But I tried to take something from it, too. Life is short. Make the most of it. Very cliche, I know, but it hit me hard that summer.
Labor Day weekend of 2009, I called my sister with a question about "girl stuff". She said "are you sure you're not pregnant?" She was laughing, and I told her that it wasn't possible, "Right, Angie. Remember how hard we tried to have our kids? Remember all the money we spent? The doctor visits, the shots, blood draws, testing? We've never used birth control, and will never have to" But after a few days, I decided I would take a test. I was going to PROVE my sister was wrong. She wasn't wrong.
I walked in the bedroom where Aaron was sleeping.
I nudged him.
He rolled over.
Nudge.
Roll over.
Nudge.
Irritated grunt.
"Aaron!"
half-asleep "hmm??"
"we need to talk"
"I'm tired... what?"
"I think I'm pregnant"
"WHY would you think that?" (a little more awake now)
"because I just took a test"
Aaron sat up so fast, I nearly fell off the bed. He asked if I was sure the test was good. Was I certain it was positive? He bought another test. I took that one too. Positive again. We waited a few days, in shock (this wasn't supposed to be possible!) then bought another test. I text my sister "you were right". She knew what it meant. She let out a scream of joy.
If you've read my previous posts, you've learned that Aaron likes to pick baby names as soon as we find out we're pregnant. We already had two of each gender, and decided not to find out this baby's gender until birth. He wanted to name a boy Tanner Mark or, for a girl, Faith (we didn't decide on a middle name, Elizabeth, until months later). I knew it was going to be a girl, so even though I didn't like the name Tanner, I agreed. Aaron told me that Faith was the perfect name for the baby that wasn't supposed to be. The baby that was sent to us right after we had faced so many dark times. We knew we would need FAITH to help us get through the tough times.
Faith Elizabeth was born on May 1, 2010. It was my dad's 60th birthday. We had no idea how fitting her name was. We didn't know how much our faith would be tested in the weeks and months to come.
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