Gratitude Attitude

I am feeling pretty crazy today. I don't know what to post, but feel like posting. Lame, I know.... I created one post that I didn't publish. Maybe one day some of it will be on here. Anyway....

I have been on this roller coaster at work, and at home. Seems like for every "up", there are 3 "downs". Aaron is still doing pretty good, he's had a couple of small relapses to the "old way" but he is doing great. We've gotten through it, and talked it out. That's HUGE for us. He has pointed out that I'm not making any changes, I'm still the same old me, and he has made some miraculous changes. I'm trying. But I'm just stuck in the depression, and can't seem to find the way out.

My job is stress lately. I had a friend accuse me of something, and then a few days later another friend accused me of almost the exact same thing. It made me hit rock bottom that people I consider friends would think so little of me. I started thinking of all the negative comments that have been made toward me, and decided I MUST be the type of person they were saying. Some of the things bouncing in my head were:
"you are not a good person"
"many people are hurt by your deception, and dishonesty"
"you do good things, but are not a good person"
"you're mean"
"you're still the same person you've always been, and it sucks"
"you should think about consequences your actions before you make them"
"I can't believe you'd do that"
"you're a horrible person"
"you are a liar"
There were many more, but I think that's enough of a reminder for me :) Well, no matter how hard my REAL friends tried to convince me otherwise, all I could think of were those hurtful statements. WHY is it so easy to hold on to the negative? So hard to remember the good things? I know that mostly it's the depression, but I also know that everybody does this to a certain degree.

I have been trying to focus on the good things in my life. One of the facebook trends is to post something you're grateful for every day. So, it's the 16th today, and I'm going to re-post all my gratitude things so they're all in one place:

Day 1: I'm thankful for FAMILY. Siblings, parents, children, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws. All of them. Because they're there for you NO MATTER WHAT!
Day 2: I'm thankful for the Reproductive Care Center. The doctors & nurses there that helped us to have three of our five children. I'm grateful that they were so amazing when we were going through the challenges of infertility, and especially thankful that we were blesed with healthy pregnancies and babies.
Day 3: I'm thankful for the atonement. For the knowledge that ALL can be forgiven and change their lives if we choose to.
Day 4: I was going 2 save it for his bday, but I am so thankful for my husband. He works hard to take care of our family, the house, the yard, and more. He has been my knight in shining armor for 13 years and I never want to be without him.
Day 5: I'm thankful for music. It can lift me when I'm down, and if I didn't have a piano to play with, I don't know how I'd live! I'm glad there are people that write this amazing stuff, it's a gift I wish I had, but am thankful others share.
Day 6: I am thankful for all the comforts of my home. Heat when it's cold, cold when it's hot, protection, light when it's dark, and love when I need it! ♥ ♥
Day 7: I'm thankful for all the people that have served our country. Loving the Veteran's Home field trip. Miss Glen. proud to be American.
Day 8: I'm thankful for the opportunity to vote! Some people sacrificed so much for us to have that right.
Day 9: today I'm thankful for teachers. My kids have been blessed with some of the best in school, but they are all over. They lead, and inspire. Thank you teachers!
Day 10: today I am thankful for 5 beautiful, healthy, and (mostly) happy kids. They keep me going, in more ways than one. I remember wondering if I'd ever have any kids, and I am so thankful that Heavenly Father sent them all to me! I love them all SO much, and it makes me appreciate my mommy more than ever!!
Day 11: I am thankful for good friends. The ones that make the "not-so-good" friends bearable. I have so many great friends, but especially my big sister AngeLena, and BFFS Cameo, and Emily who are always there when I need somebody, and have awesome advice. Also, co-workers can be friends. Thanks Jody & Tyler for putting up with me :) I am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for always being there.
Day 12: today, I'm thankful for a job. I don't always like the place, and it definitely adds to my stress sometimes. But Aaron & I have both been blessed with steady income, and I'm so grateful for that.
Day 13: I'm thankful for date nights, and good babysitters.
Day 14: Wrecked my car on the way home from work. A little irritated with myself. But thankful nobody was injured. That's going to have to do it for my 'thankful post' today.
Day 15: I'm thankful for modern medicine. By that, I mean DRUGS. lol kidding!! I am thankful for all the little things, like neosporin and band-aids and life-saving things like transplant surgeries, chemotherapy, and more. Especially, for the people that dedicate so much time and money so we can have these blessings.
Day 16: today I'm thankful for scriptures. They sure can bring comfort, and they have some great stories. I am especially taking comfort in 1 Nephi 3:7

I will try to remember to post the rest as the month goes on. But, I make no guarantees..... (I've been at UPS too long lol)

I really have a great life, and am so thankful to be in this place, this time, and to have a home, family, and work. Life is never easy, and depression sucks! But I am so blessed, and I am going to do my best to focus on that. I shall end with a positive one of my TRUE friends posted about me. It meant the world to me..... 

today I am thankful for having the best friend a girl could ever ask for. Amberleah J Stucky is the greatest. She knows me really well and sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself. She is always there for me when I need the shoulder to cry on, or the pep talk to get through my day. We always have a great time together, usually laughing and talking for hours on end. She is the one I would want in my corner to help me fight any battle. Thank you Amberleah for all that you do and all that you are. I love you!

Thank you, Cameo. Everyone should have friends like you!!